


Wash My Hands of You

by Goofatron



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Child Abandonment, Dark Aunt May, Gen, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Iron Family, Irondad, Panic Attacks, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark acting as Peter Parker’s parental figure, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-08 03:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15921594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goofatron/pseuds/Goofatron
Summary: It was never supposed to end like this. Peter had it all sorted out in his head. May would find out about him being Spider-Man, she’d be angry (oh, so very angry), and go through the five stages of grief. Mix in a few sessions of crying and a couple of weeks of being grounded and voila! Peter has come to accept that in his life, plans go astray. Very quickly. Because nothing could have prepared him for the actual outcome of May’s reaction.





	1. Chapter 1

“What the  _ fuck?! _ ” 

 

What the fuck indeed. 

 

Again, Peter continues to be absolutely floored by everyone’s change in demeanor that he wonders shortly if he’s been pulled into an alternate universe of some kind. Of course May put her two cents in and very vocally disapproved of Peter’s choice in becoming Queen’s very own vigilante. She is hurt that Peter couldn’t trust her with his secret more than anything, and even though Peter consistently assures her that it was for her own protection, she still takes it to heart. 

 

When she asks if he’d be willing to stop being Spider-Man, he answers, “No.” Complete honesty. He has no right to deceive her any longer. Her eyebrows furrow, eyes widen with a glossy sheen that trails down her cheeks when they become too full to hold her tears. It’s not disappointment, it’s heartbreak, and that pangs at Peter the most. 

 

He wants to start explaining the benefits of him doing what he does, and all the mechanisms included in the suit to ensure his safety. He never gets the chance, because May tells him to leave. 

 

Peter stares at her speechlessly. Mouth agape silently. His voice stutters blunt noises, meaning to make words, but his brain has stopped short. Still processing what she just said. 

 

May sighs, “I just can’t have you here anymore. Knowing now that you sneak out of the house to fight criminals. What if I wake up one day and you’re not here? What if I get that call, or knock at the door from the police?” She pauses to choke back her sobs. “I can’t do that, Peter. I can’t do that to myself.”  

 

“But, where will I go?” Peter asks fearingly. 

 

May is digging through her purse and pulls out her wallet and hands him a hundred, and a fifty dollar bill. “Spend it wisely,” she says with tears in her eyes. 

 

Peter heart drops into his stomach. This was really happening. She was actually doing this. He says nothing as he slowly reaches for the money, afraid she might recoil and send him out with nothing. 

 

“The duffel bag that you use is in the corner of your closet,” She adds. “Pack all you can.”

 

“For how long?” Peter sounds like he’s about to cry. Probably looks it, too.

 

May is silent for a minute before answering him, “Forever.” 

 

“F-Forever?” Peter gasps. “May, please no. I’ll stop. I promise you I’ll stop right now!”

 

“Stop lying to me,” she whispers. “We both know that’s not true.”

 

“I will do it! I’ll give the suit back to Mr. Stark. I’ll never sneak out again. I won’t fight crime ever again! I’ll drop the internship for real, and I won’t speak to him ever again. Just please don’t do this!” Peter held both of her shoulders in a desperate attempt to reason with her and make her retract her previous decision. 

 

“You have one hour to get out,” She chokes out breaking out of his hold, and looking away from him. “Please, Peter. Don’t make this harder than it already is.” 

 

Peter only nods as he retreats to his room. As soon as he shuts the door, he falls to the floor in a blubbering heap. His brain wracks with what ifs, and desperately tries to come up with a plan to convince May to not kick him out. 

 

_ How did it come to this? _

 

Peter feels like he’s going to vomit. His stomach is tangled in knots. What’s worse is he knows that he’s on the verge of a panic attack and has to force himself to calm down. He needs to leave. He can’t be here anymore, and it hurts. Knowing that he’s unwelcome in his own home. Knowing that May is unwilling to work with him, or give him a chance to drop his heroic antics. It hurts.  

 

He throws his jeans and shirt back on over his suit, and throws on a hoodie. His backpack is packed with his school supplies and laptop. Along with the chargers for his phone and computer. The duffel bag is filled to the brim with his clothes. Grabbing his wallet from his desk, he places the $150 in, and notices that he has an extra forty. 

 

Just shy of $200, he grabs all of his belongings, and heads for the door. He stops and looks back at May who is sitting on the couch, back turned to him. He can hear her hiccuping she’s crying so hard. Guilt develops in his chest, and he leaves without a word

 

An hour later, he’s made his way to a small park near the Queensboro bridge, and is curled up on a bench reevaluating his situation. Peter replays the scene in his head in explicit detail wondering where he went wrong. He had thought that he had his aunt pegged and the conversation would go in his favor of her hating him doing the super hero business, but ultimately being okay with it, because deep inside, she was proud of him and what he accomplished. That had not been the case. 

 

In truth, he couldn’t blame her for reacting the way that he did. Although he did feel that kicking him out was uncalled for. He’d rather much be grounded, and chained to his desk with metal bars bolted to his window. At least he’d have a roof over his head, and guaranteed warm meals. 

 

_ “Forever.” _

 

That scared Peter the most. 

 

May didn’t even think twice; throwing him out was her immediate reaction. In that moment, he couldn’t help but feel some animosity towards her. He shouldn’t be out here trying to figure out where to sleep, or how to stay warm, or how to stretch his $190 to last him.

 

He thought about staying at a hostel. They were very cheap at the moment, especially in Chinatown. But then decided against it as even for a few days, it’d eat up half his money, and he needed to eat. Food was what scared him the most. He was never really able to get his fill because of how tight with money May was, but now. Well, now he’d be lucky if he’d get enough to survive. 

 

Peter shook his head rapidly and chastise himself for even thinking that way. May was upset, but she couldn’t be forever. Even she was adamant, it just had to be a split-second decision. She’d come to terms in a couple of days, realize her mistake, and call him back. He was sure of it. 

 

Peter briefly wondered what would have happened if he said “yes” when she asked if he would stop being Spider-Man. Would he still be out here in the open? Probably not, he hoped. 

 

The sky dyed orange and pink hinted towards sunset. Peter rubbed his hands over his face and groaned in frustration. He’d think about the bigger details tomorrow. For now, he needed to find a place to sleep. Preferably where no one would bother him, or try to rob him. Not that he was worried, but he didn’t wanna fight anyone when he wasn’t in his suit. He looked like an easy target as his mild-mannered alter ego, and it was a ploy he wanted to keep up. 

 

As soon as he crossed the Queensboro bridge into Manhattan, he dived underneath it and began to crawl along the underside until he reached one of the arches. There was a wide and large enough crevice that he could stash his bags there while he went out for food. He shoved his duffel bag into a dark corner, and webbed his backpack to it. He shoved the Spider-Man mask into his hoodie pocket, and patted his back one to make sure his wallet was there before pulling it out to put it in his pack. Beforehand, he took out a twenty and slid it in his front pocket. If he did get robbed, then he’d only give up a small portion if needed.

* * *

 

Street noodles really weren’t  _ that  _ bad. Maybe more rubbery than restaurant noodles typically are, but still edible. And for eight bucks a plate, who could argue? It was the only food cart open this late, and it was still three blocks from the bridge. It sounded justifiable in Peter’s mind, and he eased himself further by promising himself that he’d stop at either Jack’s or the Dollar Tree and pick up cheap food in the morning. 

 

As he headed back to the bridge, he took out his phone to look at the time, and maybe see if May left him a text or voice mail saying that he could come back home. Nothing but a couple of texts from Ned about the essay they had due on Monday which reminded Peter that it was Friday night. He sighed heavily before replying. 

 

His chest began to tighten, and tears pricked at his eyes. Still in disbelief of the situation he was in. It was only for the weekend, he told himself; he prayed. May just needed time to come to terms of her nephew’s new “profession”. She’d come around. Until then, he’ll grit his teeth and make it work. He’d be okay. This was just a small wrench that was thrown into his life to deter his and May’s relationship. 

 

Peter sighed as he leaned back on his bags and snuggled into his hoodie. He crossed his arms to shield his hands from the cold, and to give his core more warmth. If he breathed hard enough, he could see it form in front of his face. Stupid October weather.     

He reached into his hoodie and pulled out the Spider-Man mask and stared at it before pulling it on. The thin material instantly clung to his face and warmed his cheeks. Peter smiled broadly when his AI alerted him to her presence.

 

“Hello, Peter! It’s been a while.” Karen greeted cheerfully.

 

“Nice to see you too, Karen,” Peter laughed. 

 

“Peter,” Karen started cautiously. “I’m detecting a slight drop in body temperature. Shall I boot up the heater?”

 

“Please do!” Instant relief soared through Peter’s body as he moaned into the suit. “How long can you keep this running, Karen?”

 

“Heating system able to process at full blast for twenty-four hours total. However, switching to low setting will increase duration by at least twelve hours.” 

 

“Yeah, do that.” Peter felt the warmth decrease a bit, but not to the point of being uncomfortable. His body felt pleasantly lukewarm. 

 

“Body temperature has returned to normal.” Karen stated.

 

“It’s real good to hear your voice again, Karen,” Peter whispers. “I missed you.”

 

“And I missed you too, Peter.” Karen reciprocated. A quiet beep sounded in the mask. “Incoming call from Tony Stark. Shall I patch you through?”

 

“Uh, sure?” Peter mentally prepared himself as Karen connected the call. He had to act normal. Make it seem like everything was fine, because everything  _ was  _ fine. In a couple of days, his life would be back to its regular schedule, and he wouldn’t have this crushing feeling in the pit of his stomach any more. 

 

“Mr. Parker,” Tony begins as the screen pops up in Peter’s visual. “It’s a bit late for you to be out and about, is it not?” 

 

“What? It’s like, 7:30!” Peter argues light-heartedly. “Plus, it’s Friday night.”

 

“Hey, don’t get snippy with me!” Tony snaps playfully. “It’s been literal decades since I was last in school. Isn’t there like, Saturday classes these days?” 

 

Peter rolls his eyes. “Maybe in Asia, but not here. At least not for me.” 

 

Tony smirks as he stifles a laugh. “Of course. Now, allow me to go over with you the upgrades I’ve included in your suit and the AI that you’ve designated as, ‘Karen’ -- cute by the way. Any reason you chose that name in particular?” 

 

Peter shrugs, “I just liked the name, and she sounded like a Karen to me. Also, upgrades?”

 

“Fair enough,” Tony waves the subject by. “And yes, new upgrades. Now, all of this is included in Karen’s intel, but I thought I’d go over them with you personally. Now, pay attention…” 

 

Tony spends the next hour and a half explaining to Peter the new features he’s included such as a backup parachute (just incase the main one conks out), devices in his web shooters that instantly discard the empty canisters and replace with newly filled ones, over thirty new combinations for attack and defense, and the best part: the deletion of the  _ Training Wheels Protocol _ . 

 

“I was very impressed at your display earlier at the compound,” Tony begins. “That I’ve decided that you’re responsible enough to handle things on your own without my having to be at arm's length at all times. That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop tracking you, because it is important. Hell, even Rhodes has a tracking device in his war machine armor.” 

 

“Mr. Stark,” Peter says at a loss. “I… I don’t know what to say.” 

 

Tony smiles at his protoge’s reaction. “I want you to promise me one thing, kid.”

 

“Anything, Mr. Stark.”

 

Tony points at him through the screen. “Just because I’ve let you off your leash doesn’t mean that you can or even need to be self-sufficient. I’m trying to create a team-building atmosphere between you, me and Rhodes, okay?” He sighs and fiddles with his red-tinted glasses. “What I’m trying to say is, I’m here for you, kid. I care about your well being. Don’t feel afraid to come to me with anything. And I do mean that, Peter.  _ Anything  _ at all. No matter how big or small, I want to know about it.”

 

The door wasn’t being knocked on; it was banging and thunderous, and Peter knew that he was looking a gift horse in the mouth. 

 

“You hear me, kid?” Tony awaited a response.

 

Peter debated with himself whether or not to tell Tony of his current situation. His mentor had just opened up to him with trust, and maybe even some love. The whole exchange was uncharacteristic. Just like his altercation with May earlier. Peter thought that he was good at reading people, but according to the two adults that mattered, he was not. It was getting irritating how wrong he was. 

 

Maybe it wasn’t them. Maybe it was him. He was reading them wrong, and only seeing what he wanted to. May, who was always seen as motherly and supporting; Peter could have never thought she would destroy their relationship at the flip of a switch. Mr. Stark, who seemed to be emotionless and professional, had lowered his walls for Peter in that moment. Only Peter. Tony wanted him to have his trust. 

 

“Loud and clear, Mr. Stark.” 

 

But he trusted May a little bit more. Trusted her enough to come to realize her wrongly made decision. Trusted her to call or text him within the next few days. Trusted her to let him back in the house with a real bed to sleep in. Trusted him to end his career as a superhero. 

 

Because May deserved to have a second chance. Peter knew that he himself deserved to have a second chance. He was willing to wait it out in the chilling night and expose himself to the elements for days or weeks if needed. He hoped it didn’t expand to months. 

 

The call ended and Peter sighed deeply before taking his mask off. The knot in his stomach tightened and his heart hurt with regret. He cursed himself on not saying anything to Tony when he had the chance. But then again, what would that accomplish? What exactly would Tony do? Peter knew that he couldn’t expect the man to just up and take him in. It wasn’t fair, and it’d be selfish on Peter’s part. 

 

To get his mind off of the subject, he reached around for his backpack and took out his MP3 player, and laptop. He had an essay to finish by Monday and he hadn’t even started the final draft. At least now he wouldn’t be bothered by anyone. Peter lied to himself while turning the volume up.  

 

It’d be fine. He’d be fine. 

 

No matter what he did, or how hard he tried, he just could not get rid of the sickly feeling churning in his gut.

* * *

 

Friday night, he started with $190; By the time Monday rolled around, he was left with $175. The food he bought from The Dollar Tree wasn’t great. In fact, it was downright atrocious. Packaged salami sliced so thinly you could see right through it, and it left a slimy, bland taste. The milk tasted sour, and the cheese was dry and brittle. The only food items that had a semblance of taste were the snacks, so Peter just stocked up on chips and crackers and soda. 

 

To any other kid, it’d be like a dream come true, but for Peter, he craved real food. He missed May’s cooking, even if it wasn’t amazing. All in all, he just missed her in general. His phone remained silent for the whole weekend aside from texts and calls from Ned. Did May even miss him? Or give his well being a second thought? 

 

_ “For How long?” _

 

_ “Forever.” _

 

Peter was beginning to fear that May was sticking to her guns this time. That he had fucked up so badly that she no longer wanted anything to do with him. Shaking his head and wiping away threatening beads of tears, he quickly changed into his clothes for the day. He would not allow his thoughts to be plagued with disaster scenarios. Though, he knew that he would have to face it eventually when he ran out of money. 

 

Peter then decided that once he ran completely out of money, and only then, would he confess to Mr. Stark that he may be in trouble. Until then, he wanted to hold out and believe that May really didn’t mean all that she said. They always got into fights and said things that neither of them meant before. This really was no different (aside from him sleeping underneath a bridge for the weekend, and rest of the week possibly.)

 

He combed his fingers through his hair and noted how greasy it felt. Sighing, he realised he’d have to cave and take a shower at school. After school, when no one was around. Before he left, he double checked to make sure he had everything he needed including his laptop, books, and hygienic tools (toothbrush, deodorant, shampoo) that he purchased from The Dollar Tree. Then, he stuffed the duffel bag into the dark corner where it wouldn’t be seen. Not that he was afraid of anyone finding it, hopefully. 

 

Satisfied with everything, he jumped from the bridge, and headed to school. It was only when he raced into the restrooms on the far side (that no one even used) that he got a real good look at himself. He was paler than normal and the dark rings under his eyes really didn’t help. His clothes were all wrinkled, and his collar on his left side jutted outward more than it was supposed to. His hair clamped to his head and curled in. Not to mention the smell wafting off of his person. Peter truly resembled a homeless person. Just without the beanie and large jacket.

 

After he groomed and freshed himself up, he headed to the library to print out his essay. Upon entering, he spotted Ned hunched over one of the stations, and walked over to him and slapped his hand across his back to get his attention. Ned jolted a bit which got a quick giggle out of Peter and a shove from Ned.

 

“Not funny, man!” Ned glared. “Did you finish your essay?”

 

Peter held up his thumb drive, “It’s all in here. Completed.” He waited for Ned to finish before popping the device into the computer. 

 

“Rude, you could have waited for me to log out you know.” Ned chastised him. 

 

“No time for that,” Peter insisted. “Besides, I wanna get some breakfast before class starts.”

 

“I think it’s french toast sticks today,” Ned wondered aloud.

 

Just the mention of french toast made Peter’s mouth water. It motivated him to move quickly while muttering,  _ “Come on. Come on.” _ consistently. As soon as the printer was finished with his paper, he snatched it up and bolted out of the library Ned in tow shouting at him to wait up. 

 

“Wow, man,” Ned stood behind Peter in line for breakfast, gasping for air. “I’ve never seen anyone so excited for school food before. Did you starve yourself all weekend or something?”

 

Peter laughed nervously, “Uh, no. Just… over worked. You know?”

 

“Ah,” Ned winked at him. “I get you.” 

 

Peter smiled at Ned before grabbing a tray and placing down two hot dog trays of french toast sticks, a single hash brown patty, and a carton of chocolate milk. He knew he’d have to pay a dollar for the extra helping of french toast but he didn’t care. It had been nearly three days since he last ate a hot meal, and while school food wasn’t the most gourmet, it was ten times better than dollar store brand food.  

 

When Peter took out his school ID, and swiped it at the terminal it made a noise of error which prompted him to frown. The lunch lady at the terminal asked for his name; Her elongated nails clicking in contact with the keyboard in front of her. 

 

“You’re not in the system.” She stated bluntly. 

 

Peter’s face paled. “What do you mean I’m not in the system? I should be apart of the lunch program.”

 

“Well, you’re not,” the middle aged woman stares at him with disinterest. “According to my records, you were taking off the program starting last Friday. Now, unless you have the money to pay for that food, I need to ask you to place the items back.”

 

“I -- I have the money.” Peter reached for his wallet and took the money out with shaking hands. 

 

The woman snatched the twenty out of his hands, and handed him back fifteen in change. Peter hastily placed his wallet and money on the tray, and carried it away. Eyes on his unsteady hands with intense focus shouting at himself internally. 

 

_ Don’t drop it. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Just go to the corner table where you usually sit. It will be fine. You will be okay.  _

 

Peter knew he was a bad liar, but now it was all he could do to convince himself to make it to his and Ned’s spot in one piece. He practically dropped the tray onto the table as soon as he reached it, and slumped into the bench. Immediately, he started on his breathing exercises and waited for himself to calm down before digging into his breakfast. He was too in the zone that he didn’t notice Ned quietly seat himself beside him. 

 

“Peter,” Ned whispered cautiously. “Is everything okay?”

 

He says nothing; Only nods in return before stuffing his face with syrupy goodness. Ned doesn’t press. Thankfully. Peter’s not sure he could handle being interrogated about his home life right now, but he knows that Ned knows something is awry. 

 

Peter is going to do his damndest to stretch that out as long as possible. The last thing he needs is his best friend becoming a worry wart. And really, this was nothing that he couldn’t handle. This wasn’t the first loophole he had be compromised. Actually, if he was honest, he should have expected it. Because May did say that she wanted nothing to do with him ever again.

 

_ “Forever.”  _

 

Diving into his pockets, he pulled out his phone and stared at it for a long while. Chewing on the same mouthful of food while his thumb danced across the screen leaving a pattern of lines to unlock it. He placed her contact on the screen so that it was the first thing he saw. A picture of her smiling at the camera. He smiled back at it.

 

This is the woman who raised him for most of his life. Who was the closest thing that he had to a mother. This is the woman whose hands Peter placed his very life. He trusted her more than anyone in the entire world. More than Ned, and Mr. Stark combined. All of his faith was riding on her answering his call right then and there. 

 

_ The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. _

 

The invasive tears returned and this time, Peter didn’t fight them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya i’ve been kicked out before. It really sucks and it leaves a whole new level of fear rooting around in your entire being. Luckily I had my car to sleep in before I was accepted back, but even if it was short term, it scared me to death.
> 
> Also, there might be more than 3 chapters. But not many, cus this is just a short series that I've put on hold for a few months.


	2. Chapter 2

The rickety, old elevator rose agonizingly slow. It creaked against the frame like snapping wood everytime it passed a floor. Peter hated taking the elevator, and would prefer the stairs every time. 

 

With a slight bounce, the elevator reached its destination. Peter all but pried open the slow moving doors and stumbled out onto his floor in his apartment complex. He had to admit that he missed the musty stench as he jogged down the hall to his front door. May’s front door where they last spoke to each other. 

 

Using the back of his knuckles, he gently rapped on the wood. Then pressed his ear against it for any sound behind it. When none came, he knocked again but louder. A minute passed by with no change in his status.

 

Peter tried knocking again and also called out to try and draw May towards the door, “Aunt May?”

 

Ear pressed against the door. Holding his breath in anticipation. 

 

Nothing.

 

“Aunt May,” Peter knocked again. “Please let me in! I’ll be good, I promise! I won’t disobey you anymore I… I just want to come home, May.”

 

Peter’s voice drawled on as he continued to beg his aunt for forgiveness. When no answer came, as he suspected, he reached into the front pocket of his backpack and took out his house key. He prayed that she didn’t change the locks, or had the top lock latched shut. 

 

He inserted the key, held his breath in one final plea, and turned the lock with ease. He sighed in relief as he worked the second lock, and opened the door to reveal an empty apartment. 

 

Not entirely empty. The basics such as the dining table, the couch, and even that giant poofy chair that sat by the window remained. Bookshelves still stocked full. The kitchen was left alone. 

 

What stood out the most was the absence of homeliness. The little knick knacks that were collected over the years during many vacations were gone. All of the pictures hanging on the walls, or on shelves, or on the refrigerator were missing. 

 

Peter stepped closer to the dining table to see a small pile of ripped photos that only included himself. Pictures he remember being taken with his aunt or uncle or both. Only the part of the photos that remained were the ones with him in them. 

 

His face scrunched up in confusion, but only for a moment before he noticed a small white envelope slightly buried underneath some of the clippings. He unearths it and reads the front where it says,  _ Peter _ . His heartbeat thuds louder, he can almost hear it in his ears. What if it was a ransom note? Had May been kidnapped? 

 

Peter all but tears it open and pulls out the twice-folded piece of paper. Immediately recognizing May’s handwriting.

 

_ Peter, _

 

_ By the time you find this letter, I should already be gone. Don’t come looking for me. I’ve already cut my losses, and tied up all loose ends. This is for the best. _

 

_ -May  _

 

The letter crumbled slightly in his trembling hands. A sudden wave of fear and anxiety washed over his entire being as Peter allowed the paper to drop back onto the table with a light  _ whoosh  _ that blew away some of the picture clippings off of the table. 

 

He felt his knees buckle and he went down with a hard thud. Peter forced his legs up, and put his head between them. He began to count his breathing pattern which proved difficult to do with his heart pounding in his ears.

 

Vertigo set in when he tried to force himself to focus on his feet in front of him. Everything doubled up, and the room was spinning. Though he was clearly suffering, Peter forced himself upward into a standing position. Groaning as he did so. 

 

He placed his hand in front of him, and used it to guide himself to the couch to steady himself. Then, he made for the wall, which he leaned up against. The spinning was getting worse, and now there was a high pitched ringing in his ears instead of his beating heart. Sounded almost like a mosquito. 

 

Peter ushered himself into his bedroom to see that nothing had been touched at all. Everything was how he left it on Friday. He turned and stumbled down the hall to May’s bedroom and stopped at the door. Uncertain whether or not he wanted to look inside. To confirm the growing fear in his chest. 

 

The door creaked ominously as it slowly opened and Peter was met with an empty room with a queen-sized bed, a dresser, a starlet vanity mirror, and an empty closet. 

 

It was all gone.

 

May was gone.

 

She left him. 

 

Peter allowed the effects taking place to take over him as he sat on the edge of the bed and let his head drop into his hands. Wondering where he went wrong. How he could fix it. Where May was at the moment. If she would come back. Why she abandoned him. 

 

The overload was too much for him to comprehend at once. So, he just leaned back against the bed, and pushed himself up until he hit the bed frame. He grabbed onto one of the pillows, and curled it around his body and allowed himself to sink into the mattress, and into the realm of sleep. 

 

He wanted to come home; to sleep in a real bed again. Not like this. Not alone. 

* * *

When Peter wakes up hours later in his aunt’s bedroom, he hears a voice murmuring from the living room. It dawns on him that he left the door wide open when he returned. He was so deep shock that he forgot to close it. Cursing himself, he gently lifted his body up from the bed, and tip-toed out down the hallway, careful to avoid anywhere the floor creaked. He stood at the corner where the hallway meets the living room, and right before he rushes the person, they speak up again.

 

“I don’t care if it’s not “protocol”, I want you to find her!” 

 

Mr. Stark? 

 

Peter doesn’t give away his position. He leans against the wall and waits for Tony to end his phone call. His mentor sighs irritably. “Just call me back if you’ve found something on her whereabouts. Even if it’s the tiniest detail. I’ll check back in tomorrow afternoon otherwise.” 

 

That’s when Peter decides now is a good time to make his presence aware to Tony who jumps slightly when he sees him. Peter immediately notices the letter from May in Tony’s hand. 

 

“Jesus, kid!” Tony gasps. “Don’t do that. Seriously, don’t. I’m old, my heart can’t take it.” 

 

Peter smirks at his comment, raising his head to meet the man’s eyes. “Mr. Stark, what are you doing here?” 

 

“I came here to see you,” Tony answers stepping closer. “To see how you were doing, and well, you look like absolute shit. When was the last time you showered?” 

 

Peter doesn’t miss the way that Tony’s nose crinkles or when he steps backward. He lowers his head to get a good whiff of himself and yeah, he does stink pretty bad. 

 

“A couple of days ago.” he mumbles. 

 

“So, what, Sunday?” Tony suggests and gestures with his hands.

 

“More like, Friday,” Peter admits sheepishly. 

 

“That is  _ more  _ than a couple of days ago,” Tony snorts. “Are you trying for  _ Guiness World Record  _ for longest days without bathing? Because I guarantee you that you won’t win--”

 

“May found out about me being Spider-Man, and kicked me out of the apartment,” Peter blurts out. He observes Tony’s stunned gaze before continuing. “She told me, that she couldn’t deal with me sneaking out at night anymore, and lying to her. I even offered to stop it all right then and there. To give you back the suit and stop all communication, but… she wouldn’t listen.” 

 

Peter walked past Tony’s frigid body, and sunk into the couch. He brought his knees up, and curled around himself.  “So, she kicked me out with less than a couple hundred bucks, and I’ve been sleeping underneath the beams of the Queensboro Bridge since Friday night.” 

 

He can feel the cushions next to him depress underweight. He can feel Tony staring at him. “When I was at school earlier today, I was told that I was taken off the food program, and had to pay to eat. After that, I tried to call May. Found out that her number was disconnected. I panicked, and ran out of the school all the way back here. Only to find out she’s gone, and left me here.” 

 

“Peter,” Tony whispers. “Why didn’t you call me?” 

 

“When she said it would be ‘forever’, I didn’t think she meant it.” Peter hid his crying eyes away from Tony. “I didn’t think she would leave me.”

 

Peter wipes away his tears and looks to Tony in despair. “I don’t understand why she would just up and leave? How could she just do this to me? It’s so unlike her!”

 

Tony, hunched over with his elbows resting on his knees, stared ahead eyeing all the details of the living room he never did before. On one side hung pictures of a smaller Peter with his two front teeth missing; of him and Ned when they were younger; of him and who he assumed was Ben playing at a park. 

 

The wall above the television was lined with school awards, and certificates from past decathlons won. All by Peter. A corner shelf to the right held little gadgets that Tony could only assume were created by Peter throughout the years with his growing interest in physics and science. 

 

The room encompassed everything that Peter was. Only Peter. There was nothing left that showed anyone else lived here. It’s like all evidence of other people occupying the space had just vanished. 

 

The ripped bits of photos that were of Peter laying scattered across the table. 

 

Tony brought his focus back to Peter who was staring at him from under his arms. His protective shell. Waiting for an answer that he could not provide. At least, not one Peter wanted to hear. 

 

So, he stood in front of Peter and held out his hand. “Come on, kid. I’m taking you home.” 

 

Peter obeyed without hesitation allowing himself to be pulled up by Tony. Escorted out of the building, and into the car. Peter felt so empty afterward. His heart ached and numbed at the same time. He was tired, but didn’t want to sleep. He was hungry, but felt the want to vomit. 

 

“I left my duffel bag on the bridge,” was the only thing he managed to say and they were halfway to the compound. 

 

“I’ll go back and grab it for you later.” Tony said. “For now, let’s get you a hot bath and some food, okay?”

 

“Sure.” 

* * *

Two weeks passed ever since May practically fell off the face of the earth. Tony could only hope that’s what she did given how she treated her nephew who mourned her absence. Peter had to be taken out of school because he was too distracted with May that his grades were suffering.

 

Peter knew that May left of her own accord, but he still had hope that she would return for him. From Tony’s understanding, Peter was left with no time to process the events that lead to him being abandoned. In fact, he downright denied that May left him to survive on his own. Saying (more to himself) that she was taking a break. That she just needed to cool down. She would be back for him in no time. 

 

But then there were times where Peter  _ knew  _ that he’d been abandoned and even admitted to it. This frustrated Tony only because he knew that Peter was only pushing aside the inevitable of having to face the truth. The charade that Peter was playing was only barring him from moving forward and healing. It didn’t sit right, and so Tony decided to take it upon himself to confront Peter about it.

 

He made the kid sit in the living room with him. Peter seemed fine physically. Nestled into one end of the couch opposite of Tony. Legs bent against his chest and he allowed his body to curl in on itself. His chin rested perfectly between his knee caps with his arms wrapped around his legs, locked in place. His vision was cast downward and focused on his socked feet, unwilling to meet Tony in the eyes. 

 

Peter looked so small even though he was only a couple of inches smaller than Tony himself. His frame was damn near skeletal. The sweater which he wore proved too big for him. So much so that the sleeves covered his arms all the way down to his hands where only his boney fingers stuck out from underneath the heavy fabric. For all the bagginess the clothing did, it still couldn’t hide his sunken eyes or hollowed cheeks. Peter honestly looked like a bag of bones. 

 

“Okay,” Tony began, taking a deep breath and holding it before exhaling out both his mouth and nose. “There’s no easy way to say this, and I’m not going to sugar coat it, but you look like shit.” 

 

Peter snorts at the observation and deadpan replies, “Gee, thanks.”

 

“I’m being serious, Peter.” Tony kept his voice firm but level. Leaning over his spread legs, and rested a hand on each one. “I’ve tried keeping my distance; giving you some space, and allowing time for you to try and heal on your own like you asked. But this…” 

 

Tony vaguely gestured to Peter’s entire being, and doesn’t miss the way he tightens his hold on himself. Or the way his feet cross over each other, toes curling in. Peter lowered his gaze and buried his face in himself, not wanting to have this conversation, obviously. But, it’s one that needs to happen. Otherwise, Peter is going to end up dead, and Tony  _ definitely  _ cannot have that on his conscience. 

 

“I… Pepper and I been talking, and we both think you should… you should see someone.” Tony feels a sharp pang in his chest when Peter peers out from his hiding place in his knees to glare at him. He promptly ignores it and keeps talking, “A therapist. A counselor. I don’t really know the difference, they both work the same for me. Anyway, the point is, you need help--”

 

“I don’t need anyone’s help.” Peter whispered, as predicted. 

 

“ _ Yes.  _ You do.” A wave of irritation washed over Tony. His hands clenched at his side and he performed some quick breathing exercises to steady himself. “Look, you’re obviously not taking care of yourself. You lock yourself away in your room. I know for a fact that you haven’t eaten in days.”

 

Peter rolled his eyes and mutters, “I’m not going to kill myself, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Tony’s pointed look made Peter regret his snarky tone. “I’m  _ fine _ , alright? I’m just… I just… I want to go home.”

 

“I know you do, kiddo,” Tony sighed. “But there’s nothing back there for you but bad memories.” 

 

Peter huffed, clearly agitated, “I wish I never became Spider-Man, then none of this would have happened.” 

 

“You don’t know that,” Tony treads carefully. “There’s a possibility that she still would have just left anyway.”

 

“You don’t know that.” Peter mocks and tightens his glare when Tony glances at him in surprise.

 

“Peter…” Inhale. Exhale. Repeat three-- no. Five more times. Ignore the shaking of your left hand and the numbness that’s developing. Try again. “Peter. I am doing my damnedest to help you, but you are making it  _ very  _ difficult right now.” 

 

“Well, I didn’t ask for your help!” Peter snaps rising from his place on the couch, storming off back to his room. It’s childish, he knows, but he doesn’t want to end up saying something that he’ll regret later. 

 

Peter’s surprised when he’s able to open the door, briefly thinking that Tony would have had FRIDAY seal it shut so he couldn’t make his escape. Once he’s inside, he leans up against it listening for the sound of footsteps. When none makeway for him, he finally sighs in exhaustion and flops down on his bed.

 

Tony was right and Peter knew it. He’d done nothing in the last couple of weeks but push Tony and everyone else away. Including Ned who now knew of the situation, much to Peter’s annoyance. It felt like his private life has been put on full blast for everyone to both see and hear about. The poor kid from queens who was left orphaned  _ again. _

 

Peter allows his pillow to soak up any tears that fall. His stomach tightens and sorrow surges through his veins alongside frustration. Only wishing he knew where May was so that he could make her tell him exactly  _ why  _ she decided to leave. 

 

Peter wouldn’t know peace until the words fell from her lips. At the same time, he didn’t want to know. Too afraid to hear the truth. Too afraid to see if she was happier without him in her life. Just like everyone else was, apparently. 

 

Hell, even Tony would probably be at peace if Peter wasn’t around to cause him stress all the goddamn time. But, it’s not like it was Peter’s decision to receive aid from Tony Stark. The man sought him out on his own, gave him a brand new suit laced with state of the art technology, and even giving him his own AI who was probably the only being who really cared, despite her not even being real. 

 

That was another fear of his: finding out that Tony was only helping him out of obligation and duty to his well being. That’s not something that Peter wanted. Tony already had a lot on his plate, and adding Peter’s emotional baggage to it couldn’t be good for his mental health. 

 

Peter suddenly felt guilty. It was his fault that Tony worried about him. It was  _ always  _ his fault when people cared too much for him that it drains them emotionally, they inevitably leave. He shouldn’t be here at the facility anyway. He wasn’t an Avenger or an employee. Yeah, he had the status of Tony Stark’s Intern, but that was just a moniker to hide the truth of him being Spider-Man. 

 

He didn’t contribute to anything. All he’s been doing these past couple of weeks is lounging around and whining for his aunt like a goddamn baby. May would be laughing at him if she saw him in his current state. 

 

Maybe he just needs to get out. He’s been cooped up in the building for so long, he’s nearly forgotten what the sun looks like, and what fresh air feels like. 

 

It’s an impulsive decision, but it’s one that Peter is sticking to as he changes out of his loungewear and into his Spider-Man suit. Throwing on a pair of jeans, and a baggy t-shirt over the suit, then his shoes and an old jacket. Peter places the mask to the suit in one of the large pockets of the jacket before he grabs his phone and heads out. 

 

Luckily, no one is at the entrance, and he manages to sneak out of the building undetected. He wasn’t restricted to just the building, so there would be no reason for FRIDAY to alert Tony of his absence. Besides, he had his suit on so if Tony wanted to find him, he could. 

 

It takes a couple of hours of hitchhiking and walking, but he’s back in the city where he feels like he belongs. Peter’s standing atop the Empire State building, overlooking Manhattan. Not his usual turf, but after being a shut in, he figures it’d be nice to get the blood pumping with jumping from extreme heights. 

 

He still wasn’t too comfortable with buildings taller than his apartment, but all of his inner demons weighed out the fear by a mile. Weaving between buildings and flinging around corners with grace and flexibility, he almost didn’t hear Karen when she mentioned a few small crimes going on just a few miles north of his position. Peter smiled under the mask. It was good to be home.

* * *

 

Hours later and the day had long since passed. Peter caught an absurd amount of criminals in the act. A few even stated that they thought he had quit. That gave him a good laugh.  

 

Earlier, he took a break from patrol to seek Ned out and give him a firm apology for being so distant lately. Peter barely finished his prepared sentence before Ned enveloped him in a bone crushing hug, exclaiming how happy he was to see his best friend. One of the many reasons why he loved Ned is that he saw past your mistakes, and never took things personally. At least, not all of the time. Clearly Peter could use some insight from him.Catching up with Ned proved to be one of the better points of the past month. 

 

As Peter sat on the edge of his old apartment building, mask off, the unmistakable sound of boot-mounted repulsor jetpacks appeared slightly behind him. Followed by the whirring of the mechanisms of the Iron Man suit opening, and then the light thudding of approaching footsteps shortly afterwards. 

 

“Surprised you came out here yourself and didn’t just send an empty suit to drag me back.” Peter quipped. 

 

“Oh, believe me,” Tony’s tone is steady, and Peter’s not sure if that should worry him. “I wanted to the second I noticed you went missing.” 

 

Tony sits on the edge with Peter, facing the opposite way. “So, why did you leave without telling anyone?” 

 

Peter shrugs, still not facing him. “Just wanted some fresh air, I guess.”

 

“You could have had Happy drive you back into town, you know.” Tony’s voice falters for a second, revealing the annoyance within. “That way I would have known where you were from the beginning.”

 

“I have my suit on, so it’s not like you couldn’t find out anyway.” Peter challenges.

 

“That’s not the  _ point,  _ Peter.” Tony says through clenched teeth and fists. He stares exasperatedly at the kid who is purposely avoiding eye contact. “Alright, look, you have  _ got  _ to cut this shit out. This whole charade you’re pulling where you’re pretending to be fine, and not wanting to get anyone else involved, I mean.”

 

This time, Peter turns his head almost offensively. “I’m not--”

 

Tony holds up a finger to silence him, “Yes you are. I  _ know  _ that you are, because I did the same exact thing after my parents died. I cut contact with my remaining friends and family, and shut myself away. I didn’t speak to a single person for  _ months.  _ The only contact I had was when I installed automatic messages into Jarvis to remind me to eat and sleep. To keep myself alive.” 

 

Tony looks away for a second to collect his bearings, “I’m trying to prevent you from spiraling down the same path that I did. I want you to be aware that you don’t have to go through this alone, Peter.” 

 

When Tony makes eye contact again, there are tears forming in his eyes. “Don’t do what I did and burn your remaining bridges. You may think that you’re sparing everyone else your grief and anguish, but it just destroys what you have left. You’re too good for that, Pete.” 

 

Peter stares at Tony with a gaping jaw and wide eyes while the man cries in front of him. His shoulders shake and his face has an intense look to it, signifying he’s trying to hold back his emotions. Peter feels his chest flutter with guilt and knowing. Tony Stark was sitting beside him, allowing himself to become vulnerable in Peter’s presence and admitting things that he’s either probably kept to himself for years, or has only told a handful of people with digits to spare. 

 

Without thinking, Peter scoots closer to Tony and wraps his arms around the man’s frame, and rests his head in the crook of his neck. When he feels Tony tense up, Peter expects him to scramble out of his grasp, or even push Peter away. It catches him completely by surprise when he feels Tony lean into the hold and buries his face into Peter’s matted and sweaty hair. 

 

Peter feels stupid. Tony never wanted to stifle his talent, or prevent him from becoming a big named hero. Or keep him at arms length both physically and emotionally. His only intention was that Peter didn’t grow up into the man that Tony’s become, and he can’t believe he’s never realized it before. 

 

It’s no secret that Peter holds Tony high up on a pedestal. He was so blinded by his hero worship that he didn’t recognize the obvious signs of panic and stress that he caused the man. 

 

Peter submerged himself into a deep pool of self-pity for many years that when he finally got his powers, he felt like he was actually a  _ somebody _ like Tony Stark. Turns out the man harbored the same thoughts about himself. Even through all of his troubles, Tony made an effort to turn him into a better person, and Peter just ignored him under the belief that Tony only wanted, and sometimes needed, Spider-Man. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Peter whispers, now aware that he’s crying. “I’m sorry for being a huge jerk lately.” 

 

“It’s alright, kid,” Tony comforts Peter by rubbing his back. “You just had your entire world turned upside down for the upteenth time.” 

 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without her,” Peter admits, tightening his hold on Tony. “I’m scared, Mr. Stark.” 

 

“You’re going to be okay, Peter.” Tony promises. “You’re so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You can do this, I know you can.”

 

Peter absorbs all of the praise that Tony unleashes unto him. It’s very uncharacteristic, at least Peter thinks it is. He can feel his heartbeat quicken, and tears flow heavier soaking the expensive fabric underneath.

 

“You’re not going to leave me too, are you?” Peter whimpers through heavy sobs. He can’t look at Tony after his childish claim, red with embarrassment. 

 

Tony doesn’t even hesitate before answering, “Oh no, I’m staying by your side. For better or for worse, you can’t get rid of me that easily.” 

 

Peter giggles at the light hearted tone. “Mr. Stark?” he waits until Tony hums in response. “I think… I think I’d like to take you up on the offer. For a therapist, I mean.” 

 

“Oh?” Tony tries to hide the obvious sound of success in his voice. “What made you change your mind?” 

 

Peter’s silent for a moment, “I guess I’m ready to face the truth.” his voice breaks and shudders along with newly shed tears. “She abandoned me, and is never coming back. I wish I knew what I did wrong.” 

 

Tony gently rocks their bodies back and forth, using the back of his legs to hold against the edge, fully aware that one wrong move could have them falling to their death on the concrete below. In the back of his mind, he knows that Peter wouldn’t let him fall. Although, he wishes that he could say the same for Peter himself. Tony is adamant to work harder than he ever has before to ensure that never happens. 

 

“You did nothing wrong,” Tony corrects. “It’s not your fault.”

 

“Then why did she leave?” 

 

Tony inwardly curses himself for coming up short of an answer. His teeth clench, and they creak under the pressure. Eyes straining forward, piercing a hole through a row of metal pipes that lead to a water tank that provided for the building. 

 

More than anything, Tony wanted to supply Peter with what he needed to hear. Unfortunately, Tony was no psychic. If he was, they’d have May’s location weeks ago, then she could at least do Peter a favor and give him an honest to god straight answer. Not the cryptic message she left him with. 

 

“I don’t know, kiddo.” 

 

It was all he could say, and Tony’s heart bled crimson when Peter’s sobbing picked up in speed, and horrible, wailing sounds emanated from the kid’s throat. 

 

If they ever do locate May Parker, Tony promises to drag her back to New York by her hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god I've missed writing angst so much. Actually started crying at the last scene thinking i could tough through it lmao. how wrong i was.   
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! last one should be out by the end of the week!


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